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Unpacking BaggageJust going through my luggage, clearing out some things to make way for enlightenment Thursday, March 09, 2006Is a Good Man THAT Hard to Find? I have to say that Steve Harvey accompanies me during my morning drive. I know he can be somewhat over the top at times, but he is perhaps the best thing to happen to morning radio since I first discovered Doug Banks and his sidekick Dee Dee. When Steve first appeared on the radio in New York, WBLS had assembled a group of comical local folks to host a morning drive show after they, very suddenly, packed Doug and Dee Dee. I mourned the loss of D & D, but I got used to the new colored folks, which included Ellen Cleghorn, formerly of SNL and Paul Mooney from Chappelle's Show. They were absolutely hilarious! One morning, Steve appeared on their show. A few weeks later Steve was on for a week. Next thing I know Steve Harvey is the show.I have settled in for a long run with Steve. He's funny... keeps the show moving... loves Jesus and has the tendency to offer very sound advice to listeners. Steve kinda pissed me off this morning. A female listener wrote in to complain about how hard it is for her to find a man. She cited some reasons being her strong values and old-fashioned girl nature, she was of the belief that the man needs to approach the woman. Before going on to give some pretty sound advice about finding a man, he prefaced it by listing some of the reasons there is a shortage of black men... women outnumber men 7 to 1, incarceration rates, good ones already married... then he cited the downlow phenomena and the gay population, which pissed me off just a little. Ok... I admit that the gay population might be a reason there is a shortage a shortage of black men for black women, but that's about it. The downlow phenomena... come on! Is it really a phenomena at all? And why do Black men continue to bear the brunt of men leading dual lives? Hasn't Bareback Mountain taught the world anything? And I'm curious. Don't white  women have the same problems? After all. There are more openly gay white men and I'm sure a proportionate number of white men are living on the low too. Wouldn't it be safe to say that there is a shortage of available men for white women also. That could explain why they snatch up all the black pro atheletes which, by the way, has backfired on their asses from time to time.Yes Steve really pissed me off with the preface, but he went on to give a sound piece of advice. He basically told a sista not to expect a man to come along and be everything that she wants in a man. However, if you find one that's on track, doing the damned thing, so to speak, work with that man to make him everything you need him to be. I thought that was kinda cool. I would have gone a step further by telling her to get out of that white, european, patriarchial idea of how men and women should interact. African Americans descend from female-centered cultures, where women are innovators and initiators. This idea of being the shrinking violet, victim who sits around waiting for a prince to come is medieval and archaic and REAL WHITE. Black women didn't just start being strong as a result of the emasculation of the black male during slavery in America. Black women have always been smart. I remember when I first saw Color Purple and Nettie wrote to Celie about how the Olinka didn't educate girls. They didn't need to. The girls were already smart. It was the boys that needed to be taught something. I know that's probably not the case, but it was the way I saw things at the time. I was also thinking that Steve should tell his female listeners that if they are so upset with the low-quality of Black men out there, they should raise better sons. But that's a whole notha Oprah.  
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