Just going through my luggage, clearing out some things to make way for enlightenment
Sunday, January 08, 2006CONFLICT RESOLUTION: WHAT SHUTS US DOWN EMOTIONALLY?
These questions popped up on one of my Yahoo groups and I felt compelled to share and find out how other folks feel.
- How important is having the last word to you?
It used to be very important until realized that, ultimately, God has the last word. If I am truly right the last word will be mine without me opening my mouth. Karma, for instance, dictates that if you do bad things, they will come back to you in some form. I look at having the last word in the same way, particularly where giving advice is concerned. I've found that when people solicit your advice, they only do so only to affirm a decision they've already made. If your advice goes against that decision, they're going to find someone else who's in agreement.
- How do you know when you're feeling resentful?
When I am no longer interested in contributing to a discussion. Resentment will always shut me down. It usually occurs when people are not receptive to my ideas or have no regard for my feelings. As a student of Communication I am very mindful of a need to save face and never want to hack away at someone until they feel totally devalued. At that point the discussion becomes pointless.
- What do you do when you get pissed off?
I will retreat and attempt to examine what I did that led to the feeling. I believe we give people or situations the power to upset us. I don't believe you can take back the energy, but you can certainly redirect it.
- Why do people pride themselves on being brutally honest?
I believe it gives them license to say whatever they feel without being attached to the emotional outcome. I went through a period of being brutally honest, but gave it up when I realized I wasn't particularly pleased when the mirror was turned in my direction.
- Do you avoid conflict? If so, why?
Conflict is not a bad thing. From conflict comes resolution, but I will avoid it if I'm not adequately prepared to deal with the problem at hand. I want to make sure I have all the tools needed to come out on the good side of any conflict. I've also learned to choose, not only my battles, but the battlefield as well. At work I learned that it's not always a good thing to go directly to the top. It can cause a nasty backlash.