Just going through my luggage, clearing out some things to make way for enlightenment
Tuesday, December 13, 2005Rainy Days and Mondays
The storm analogy is in use a lot this season. Even before Katrina folks were having their own personal storms. I was in the midst of showers, but able to walk between the drops. Yesterday it began to pour.
You ever have someone in your life who says they love you and in the same breath tears you down? It's truly what BBBJr call a "toxic relationship"
I've blogged about my grandmother and her martyr complex. I've also recognized her dependency issues and chosen not to acknowledge them because I didn't really feel affected by them until yesterday when the category 4 hit.
Recently I've been involved in an intense relocation and job search effort. Somehow my grandmother was able to piece together a bit of my plan. So when I get in from work yesterday she's waiting to cut away at me.
"Now you know I'm only telling you this because I love you. You have no business trying to leave your job and move away. I'm all you got in this world and if anything happens you got no place to go but right here."
I pay her no attention and start reading the mail.
"You think you got friends, but they don't mean you no good. All they gonna do is get you into trouble and leave you holding the bag. I see the letters that come here from that money you put out on some business nonsense. You ain't got no true friends. I'm the only friend you got."
In the mail was yet another rejection letter for a position I applied to.
"You better stay on your job. Jobs are hard to find and you don't even know how to look for one. Every job you ever had, you got because people know you."
I have to admit that one stung a little because it's absolutely true. I've never had to search for a job. I've never gone into an interview without knowing what the outcome would be. I've been blessed that my family has a good reputation, but I've always been able to keep a job and performance has nothing to do with reputation.
"And you know I'm only saying these things out of..."
By that time I had closed the door on her, but the damage was done. She'd ripped me to shreds. And I let her do it.
Then to top it off... one of my favorite old ladies, Miss Aggie, passed away. I've been asked to render vocals at her service on Friday.
I need some sun... soon.